Get a free copy of Sick to Fit!

I reached out to Bianca and Michael because I was turning into an asshole.

Specifically, I was full of rage and outrage and judgment at all the racists out there.

And the fact that I was right, and on the side of right, and standing shoulder to shoulder with people of color, and fighting against systemic oppression that has been going on far too long – just made me more of an asshole, to be honest.

There were two costs to my assholery that I became concerned about.

First, the cost to my own mental and physical health. I was angry, and reactive, and negative – all of which can trigger a cascade of unfun chemicals that wreak havoc on the immune system, digestion, nervous system, you name it.

But that would have been OK if the societal upside were positive. You know, if my righteous anger were productive, effective, leading to meaningful change.

Which brings me to the second cost: while I was preening my virtue on social media, getting kudos from the choir, I was completely alienating everyone who didn't agree with every single word I said. Rather than bringing people together in understanding, I was actually contributing to the divisions and fears and traumas that are at the heart of our society's great suffering.

And I know – know in a fully-intellectual and semi-experiential way – that judgment of others is essentially me projecting my shit out onto the world. The spiritual traditions that have nourished me over the years are quite clear that me feeling better than others is me in the full grip of illusion.

So I “should” be full of love and compassion for all the racists, for all the deniers, for all the intellectualizers, who are failing to rise to the moment. Who are fighting tooth and nail for their right to oppress, to harm, to degrade, to objectify, to exploit.

But… but… but…

That's when I reached out to Bianca and Michael. They've been on the show before, talking about conscious living. About love and transcendence and meditation and universal consciousness and all that stuff that I was tossing overboard in my crusade to help Black people.

And they had just sent out an email broadcast from Conscious Living TV, written by Bianca, titled, “The First Time I was Called a ‘N*gger.'”

And just before the cute-as-a-button photo of 3-year-old Bianca, before the article itself, about her not being invited to her friend's birthday party because her daddy didn't want a person of her color in his swimming pool, there was that wonderful Rumi quote:

“Out beyond ideas of rightdoing and wrongdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.” – Rumi 

And I thought, “Huh!”

If Bianca can hold that Rumi quote, about there being a transcendent perspective that doesn't include right and wrong, in her heart as she tells the story of painful hurt and discrimination, maybe she can help guide me to a more constructive relationship with race, politics, and allyship.

Bianca is Black. Her husband and business partner at Conscious Living TV, Michael, is white.

And together they are my (and perhaps your) guides to love, healing, humility, liberation, power, and karma.

We talk about all the negative things: guilt, shame, fear, anger, hatred, senseless pride.

And explored the path forward. A path that can hold both righteous anger and love. A path of worldly action and spiritual contemplation. A path in which reparations – repair – is contextualized as karma rather than political or economic calculation.

A path in which we may acknowledge, remain curious about, and bravely face our own pain-bodies: individual, ancestral, and cultural.

Guided by Rumi, St. Francis, and these two beautiful souls, I hope we can all find racial healing in this conversation.

Enjoy, add your voice to the conversation via the comment box below, and please share – that's how we spread our message and spread our roots.


Bianca and Michael's first appearance on Plant Yourself

Bianca's blog post: “The First Time I was Called a ‘N*gger.'”

Babies, on Netflix

The Center for Nonviolent Communication

Some uplifting music: Beautiful Chorus

Support the Podcast

This podcast is not underwritten by advertising, so I can experience complete editorial autonomy without worrying about pissing off the person paying the bills. Instead, I pay the bills, with your help. It's free for those who can't afford to pay, and supported by those who can. You can contribute to the growth and improvement of the podcast by . Click the “Support on Patreon” or “Donate” buttons on the right to help out.


Group Sick to Fit coaching, Wednesdays 1-2pm ET: $15/month and up (“Pay from the heart” pricing): Sign up here.

Ready to embark on your Big Change journey?

Are you tired of knowing what to do, and still not doing it consistently? The WellStart Health Big Change Program, led by Josh LaJaunie and myself, will help you take the steps to finally live according to your knowledge and values.

Go to to learn more, and to get notified about the next program.

Ask your questions or share your feedback

Comment on the show notes for this episode (below)

Connect with me

Subscribe, rate, and review in iTunes
Join the Plant Yourself Facebook Page


The Plant Yourself Podcast theme music, “Dance of Peace (Sabali Don),” is generously provided by Will Ridenour, a kora player from North Carolina who has trained with top Senegalese musicians.

It can be found on his first CD, titled Will Ridenour.

You can learn about Will, listen to more tracks, and buy music on his website,


Thanks to Plant Yourself podcast patrons – Kim Harrison – Lynn McLellan – Anthony Dissen – Brittany Porter – Dominic Marro – Barbara Whitney – Tammy Black – Amy Good – Amanda Hatherly – Mary Jane Wheeler – Ellen Kennelly – Melissa Cobb – Rachel Behrens – Christine Nielsen – Tina Scharf – Tina Ahern – Jen Vilkinofsky – David Byczek – Michele X – Elspeth Feldman – Leah Stolar – Allan Kristensen – Colleen Peck – Michele Landry – Jozina – Sara Durkacs – Kelly Cameron – Wayne Pedersen – Janet Selby – Claire Adams – Tom Fronczak – Jeannette Benham – Gila Lacerte – David Donohue – Blair Seibert – Doron Avizov – Gio and Carolyn Argentati – Jodi Friesner – RuthAnn Funderburk – Mischa Rosen – Michael Worobiec – AvIvA Lael – Alicia Lemus – Val Linnemann – Nick Harper – Bandana Chawla – Martha Bergner – Susan Ahmad – Molly Levine – The Inscrutable Harry R – Susan Laverty the Panda Vegan – Craig Covic – Adam Scharf – Karen Bury – Heather Morgan – Kelly Michiya – DeAnne Norton – Bonnie Lynch of Plant Happy Oregon – Sabine Kurtzhals – Nigel Davies – Marian Blum – Teresa Kopel – Julian Watkins – Brid O'Connell – Shannon Herschman – Linda Ayotte – Holm Hedegaard – Isa Tousignant – Connie Haneline – Erin Greer – Alicia Davis – Heather O'Connor – Carollynne Jensen – Sheri Orlekoski of Plant Powered for Health – Karen Smith – Scott Mirani – Karen and Joe Crabtree – Tanya Lewis – Kirby Burton – Theresa Carrell – Kevin Macaulay – Elizabeth Rothschild – Ann Jesse – Sheryl Dwyer – Jenny Hazelton – Valerie Pelletier – Peter W Evans – Colleen Harrison – Justine Divett – Joshua Sommermeyer – Dennis Bird – Darby Kelly – Lori Fanney – Linnea Lundquist – Valarie Hummel – Emily Iaconelli – Levi Wallach – Rosamonde McAtee – Dan Pokorney – Stephen Leinin – Patty DeMartino – Mike and Donna Kartz – Deanne Bishop – Bilberry Elf – Günter Schmid – Marjorie Lewis – Kelly Moulden – Tricia Adams – Ian Cramer – Nancy Sheldon – Lindsey Bashore – Gunn Marit Hagen – Tracey Gulledge – Lara Hedin – Meg from Mamasezz – Rachelle Kennedy – Diana Goldman – Stacey Stokes – Ben Savage – Michael K – Hollie Butler – David Hughes -Coni Rodgers – Claire England – Sally Robertson – Parham Ganchi – Amy Dailey – Brian Tourville – Mark Jeffrey Johnson – Josie Dempsey – Caryn Schmitt – Pamela Hayden – Emily Perryman – Olga Szydarowska – Allison Corbett – Richard Stone – Lauren Vaught of Edible Musings – Erin Hastey – Sean Owens – Sagar Naik – Erika Piedra – for your generous support of the podcast.


This post may contain amazon affiliate links. I may receive amazon gift certificates from your actions on such links.

1 comment on “Healing from Racism with Bianca and Michael Alexander: PYP 419

  1. Ann Catherine Thomas says:

    “Bianca is Black. Her husband and business partner at Conscious Living TV, Michael, is white.”

    Why is black capitalized and white not?
    was that on purpose?
    we are all so edgy about race that we forget everybody has it . . . race, that is.
    if I am to be truly oblivious to another person’s race, then there is no need to identify
    another person’s race even as an identifying mark.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *