Do ever have the urge to tell other people what they're doing wrong? To give them advice that will make them happier, healthier, and more successful? To let them know how they're upsetting/annoying/bumming you out?
It's only human to want to help the people around us when they're struggling. It's perfectly understandable to tell people how they're screwing up when they're making us miserable.
But be honest – how effective are you at getting them to change?
If you're like most people, your efforts to change others backfires big time.
First, instead of changing, they resist even more. “Have a salad instead of this donut? No way. In fact, I think I'll have TWO donuts now.”
Second, your criticism and advice damages the relationship. So now they're still struggling, you're still pissed, and now they're mad at you for butting in.
So is the answer found in that old truism: “You can't change other people. You can only change yourself”?
It is not only possible to change other people, it's often one of the kindest and most generous things you can do. And sometimes – if you're a parent or manager – it's even your job.
But how to do it without being an a-hole, without generating resistance – that's the tricky part. You need not just good intentions, but a process.
Looking for Transformational Change?
You know how when you discovered plant-based eating, you basically went, “Holy shit, how come the entire healthcare system isn't totally embracing this as one of the most powerful keys to disease prevention and reversal!”?
That's how I feel now about a psychological approach to transformational change called “Memory Reconsolidation.” Few psychologists have heard about it, and when they do hear the radical transformations it can bring about in a very short time, they're often skeptical to the point of disbelief.
But I've added Memory Reconsolidation work to my own coaching, and can attest to its amazing efficacy. So much so, that I'm devoting the next year to mastering it, studying with the best clinicians and teachers in the world, and then introducing it into health coaching through my trainings.
Right now, I want to triple my coaching practice to get more and more opportunities to do this work. And I'm lowering my fees – a lot – to make it easier for people to work with me.
If you're interested in working with me (and willing to commit to a minimum of 2 months), click the link below to open the form in a new browser tab and I'll get back to you within 3 business days.
You CAN Change Other People!
Well, that's what Peter Bregman and I claim in our provocative book of that title.
What we really mean is, you can help the people around you make behavioral changes in their own best interests. If you think you're powerless to help people change, it's because you've been going about it the wrong way.
Discover our straightforward, replicable process here: You Can Change Other People.
Audiobook: Use the Weight to Lose the Weight
Listen to Josh LaJaunie and me narrate our latest audiobook, about how to start moving when you're obese.
It's $10, and Josh and I split it evenly 🙂
This podcast is not underwritten by advertising, so I can experience complete editorial autonomy without worrying about pissing off the person paying the bills. Instead, I pay the bills, with your help. It's free for those who can't afford to pay, and supported by those who can. You can contribute to the growth and improvement of the podcast by clicking the “Support on Patreon” or “Donate” buttons on the right to help out.
The Plant Yourself Podcast theme music, “Dance of Peace (Sabali Don),” is generously provided by Will Ridenour, a kora player from North Carolina who has trained with top Senegalese musicians.
It can be found on his first CD, titled Will Ridenour.
You can learn about Will, listen to more tracks, and buy music on his website, WillRidenour.com.
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