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How to Talk So People Will Excel: Tom Reid on PYP 491

Why do we communicate with other people?

There are many reasons: to build a relationship, to exchange information, to flirt, to teach, to argue, to convince, to comfort… The list isn't endless, but it's pretty long.

One of the most common is to coordinate activity toward a goal or outcome. We talk to others to brainstorm and plan approaches, to coordinate tasks and dependencies, to explain and align on strategies and tactics, and so on.

Today's guest, Tom Reid, calls this “Performance-Based Communication.”

The thing is, though, we often sabotage this form of communication by privileging other needs. If we're angry or frustrated, we feel the need to express that emotion. If we have a different opinion, we feel the need to convince someone else that we're right.

Tom offers four strategies for engaging in productive conversations that help people up their game and get things done. These are the basis for the acronym TASK, which is the name of his book.

TASK stands for:

  1. Treat people with dignity and respect… at all times.
  2. Assume positive intent
  3. Strengths and solutions
  4. Keep people empowered

If you're thinking that this sounds a lot like the Four Steps from my latest book, You Can Change Other People, then I agree with you!

I know Tom not as a communications and strategy professional, but rather as the on-field captain of my Ultimate frisbee team. And it's his communication strategies and tactics in that arena that first convinced me that Tom knows what he's talking about.

Our conversation covers many different forms and situations: business, personal, health, relationships. The principles apply universally, so if you find yourself thinking that a particular part of this episode isn't relevant to your life, maybe stay with it and go a level deeper.

Enjoy!

Links

TASK: Performance Based Communication

You Can Change Other People

 

You CAN Change Other People!

Well, that's what Peter Bregman and I claim in our provocative new book of that title.

What we really mean is, you can help the people around you make behavioral changes in their own best interests. If you think you're powerless to help people change, it's because you've been going about it the wrong way.

Discover our straightforward, replicable process here: You Can Change Other People.

Audiobook: Use the Weight to Lose the Weight

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It's $10, and Josh and I split it evenly 🙂

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Music

The Plant Yourself Podcast theme music, “Dance of Peace (Sabali Don),” is generously provided by Will Ridenour, a kora player from North Carolina who has trained with top Senegalese musicians.

It can be found on his first CD, titled Will Ridenour.

You can learn about Will, listen to more tracks, and buy music on his website, WillRidenour.com.

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