I share with Glenn my admiration for the book Immunity to Change, by Kegan and Lahey. It shows how resistance to (seemingly) desired change is often rooted in deep-seated beliefs and identities, which are typically unconscious.
Now we know the neurological details of that phenomenon, as well as the precise experiences necessary to overcome it. The science of memory reconsolidation has given us tools that we can use to rewrite old beliefs that keep us from achieving what we want.
That's not a new concept, especially in the touchy-feeling self-help world. What's new, and incredibly useful, is the understand of the conditions under which neural patterns in the brain can become “labile” — that is, open to change.
This gives coaches and therapists — and anyone who wants to help other people grow into their best selves — a powerful protocol for creating transformational change.
We now have an alternative to “counteractive” strategies, such as willpower, external constraints, and repeated exposure, to keep bad old habits at bay.
Glenn asked me to demonstrate the process with an issue he'd been struggling with.
He needed to restart his YouTube channel (about defeating food cravings and regaining control over one's eating), but he hadn't done so. Despite his clear knowing that it was an important step in building his business.
He was aware that part of the issue was his appearance; he had put on a few pounds since the last time he made lots of YouTube videos, and felt uncomfortable showing himself on screen to people who would turn to him for, among other things, weight loss.
Rather than coach him to “make a plan” and “put it on his calendar” and ask him lots of motivational interviewing questions about why this was important, I sought to help Glenn discover the emotional necessity of not putting his slightly heavier self on display.
What we got to first was a recognition of why his reluctance to make videos made perfect sense. Once he “owned” his agency in producing that symptom, he was able to disconfirm the core belief behind it.
And he reconnected with an essential part of his mission: to act with kindness and abolish shame in everyone he comes in contact with.
Enjoy!
Links
Immunity to Change, by Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey
Unlocking the Emotional Brain, by Bruce Ecker, Robin Ticic, and Laurel Hulley
How to Remove Trauma Response, by Alun Parry
The Art and Neuroscience of Transformational Change: Dr Tori Olds on PYP 553
Removing Trauma Response with Yes/And Healing: Alun Parry and Yael Zivan on PYP 572